A while ago I came across this article (https://freefromtoxic.com/2015/06/16/the-8-most-common-narc-sadistic-conversation-control-tactics/) and shared it on Facebook. And quite few came back and thanked me for sharing. It seems the article struck a chord with some people out there.
The above link gives a great description of narcissistic behaviours and I won’t go into that any further. But what I would like to share is what I learned for myself of having had a few of these “experiences”; afterall they taught me some life lessons. Perhaps you can relate or even get ideas on how you can change this exposure into something better for yourself.
Looking back, perhaps I should be kind of thankful that I had the “pleasure” of having had them in my life. It was hard at times to come to terms and realise that I had those personalities close to me and I got burned deeply. We may want to help some people around us, make them see situations in a different light but certain personalities are not cut that way.
Narcissist are often dominant personalities, verbally/rhetorically very strong and they often “go for it”. And let’s be honest, at least some of their “trademarks” we could use at times. But we should “go for it” in a different, more approachable way and definitely with more awareness.
I think partly by being exposed to their direct and strong approaches I got encouraged to get out of myself more, too! After all, it was only me, myself, who allowed those personalities to fully overrun me, made me doubt myself, made me question what I said, leaving me deflated at times. I came to a point where I had enough of that feeling and I started to show more confidence. Let’s say it brought a lot of awareness to myself.
- I stand up more and more for myself and for what I believe in.
- I make sure I have a voice when needed.
- I wont let myself be undermined anymore, believing it was/is all my fault.
- I want at least be able to have an honest discussion where one can always “agree to disagree” in a respectful way. If not it is not worth the effort to even talk. Let the other one do the talking.
- I learned awareness and ways on how I can handle them differently by noticing my trigger points. Narcissists seem to have a good feeling on how to “trigger”.
- I found a way to to ease or kind of ground myself when being confronted with such strong personalities. This helps me to not get all that flustered again.
On a down side I got as well more cautious around people. I still have to overcome that unsettling feeling of mistrust that somehow got planted within me. But for now I just simply give more time and space to myself and others.
Having said all this this, it took quite a while until I reached this point. I struggled deeply by feeling misunderstood, overlooked, taken advantage of and being used by people close and dear to me. But I had enough. After all life and people are never easy, are they? And no matter what age we are at life will always teach us – the good and not so good lessons – but
what I make out of it at the end of the day is my own life!
What do you make out of yours?